CRACK ADDICTION INTERVIEW (June 2019).
"With reproaches we achieve nothing at all!" Barbara Jansen (44) is an experienced trainer. We wanted to know: how do you crack guys?
For you: Ms. Jansen, what exactly is it about your seminar "How to talk to men"?
Barbara Jansen: Because women and men get what they want. In addition, I want to bring more lightness and playfulness into the relationship of man and woman. Many women, also successful in business, say: I do not want to fight this way anymore. That's so exhausting.$config[ads_text] not found
I also know such sentences. We women toil off pretty well.
That's because we're in competition with men. At the same time, developmental history is not intended. In prehistoric times men were hunting for weeks. We sat in the caves, processed skins, raised children, collected berries. And all in a network of support. Today, women grow up in a masculine system. It's all about who is better? That's one of the main reasons we spend so much alone and why life is so exhausting.
And how is it easier?
As we focus more on who we are, we enjoy being a woman and networking with others.
But what role do men play?
Men want to do something for us. They want tasks, and actually they want to be heroes too. And what we do? We do everything ourselves. Because we believe because there is equality, we are all the same. Yet the differences make us attractive. When we use our own resources, we have much more success.
What means are they?
Our strength is communication and that we perceive a lot, like a radar. The problem is that we talk to men as if they were women. Women talk to deepen relationships. Men communicate differently, they are more concerned with clarifying their status and solving problems.
So how do I have to talk to a man so he understands me?
What men need above all is the appreciation of women, honest and heartfelt.
Does that mean that I should praise my husband constantly?
Yes indeed. This works well for men. In conversation, women should focus on what they like about their partner. "Thanks for bringing the garbage down!" What did not work, we should just ignore.
I should praise him for every little thing and no longer say what bothers me? Does not sound like a fair solution.
But the question is: what do you want? Do you want to be right? By the fact that he really does not bring the garbage away? Or do you want him to bring him out more often in the future?
A good question,,
and one that we women do not ask us often enough. We do not accomplish what we really want if we reproach the men. In the seminar, Annette, for example, was upset that her husband never comes to dinner punctually. If she realizes what she wants, she does not have to react disappointed, but has other options: does she really want to eat with him? Then time does not matter. Then she says, "No matter when you come. I'm looking forward to the meal with you. "Is she really hungry right now? Then she says, "I'm going to do something now. Are you eating or should I warm you up? "In neither of these two variants is a reproach.
And with what other tricks do women achieve their goals?
What also works well is the incentive setting. For men, it's all about the game: the scoreboard on which they earn points. This also applies, for example, to the boss, who is rewarded with a charming smile for every word of praise.
So the secret to success is three points: recognition. Thinking about what we really want. And communicate our concerns clearly. Correct?
That's a good start, but not the complete solution yet. In the seminar, I also teach appropriate communication tools and role-play games, so that every woman finds her own way. When she applies these rules, she gets what she wants, gets happier - and her husband or her colleague, too. She has it in her hand.
- If you want to know more about the trainer: www.barbarajansen.de