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Love 9 tips for couples therapy

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More and more people are going to couples therapy. What exactly happens there? Nine questions and answers.

The kiss in the morning, loving words and the feeling of deep connectedness - that was once. But how did that happen? And is there still a way back? When love seems to be out of synch, when quarrels, reproaches, or silence outweigh couples' therapy is often the best way. When to beat him, what to expect, what to hope for -Dr. Mathias Jung, psychologist from Lahnstein, who has been advising couples for many years, answers the most frequently asked questions here.

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One year ago, my husband cheated on me. I forgave him, but deep inside I'm still hurt. Does a couple therapy help us? Or does it do more if I do psychotherapy alone?

Cheating means a lot of stress on a relationship. The pain continues, even when both have decided to stay together. Couple therapy offers the opportunity to do some sort of inventory of the relationship: what is the history of the fraud? Or: Why do we always come together again? How tenderly have we been together? What similarities do we still have? What needs are met in the relationship, which are not? What do we wish for the future? When one of them senses that what has happened or certain behaviors are mostly related to himself and his past, a single therapy can help to clarify these questions. You can combine both therapeutic approaches well.

My friend says he only provides therapy if I can explain exactly how it works. I lack the arguments …

If one of them is convinced that he needs external support to save the relationship, that should be enough as an argument. Instead of flattering, soliciting, or begging, it's better to put his need into clear words: "It's important to me to do a therapy. I see no other alternative for us. "To meet the skeptical partner, you can offer him, for example:" If you still feel after five sessions, it brings us nothing, then we break the therapy. "In the The first sessions will show if the partner is willing to open up and work on himself - or if he just kicks the thing out and the therapy goes nowhere.

Since we have children, we argue a lot. Therefore, my husband wants to do a therapy, but I find it strange to entrust my heart to a stranger. Can not friends help as well?

Although friends may be good interlocutors, they lack the distance and neutrality as well as the knowledge and experience of a professional. I can reassure you of the worry of being completely open: You do not have to tell everything in a therapy. Secrets you do not want to divulge are something you can keep to yourself. In principle, however, one should be prepared to talk openly about the relationship as openly as possible, to articulate one's own needs and to be honest with one another and with the other.

Sometimes I think my partner and I are doing a couple therapy quite well. But I'm scared of it. Can not something like this backfire?

If it means being separated, then the answer is yes, that can happen. Because sometimes one or both of you discover during therapy that the relationship has too little substance to continue, or that the problems are too severe to be solved together. Then the couple becomes a separation therapy. However, it is not the therapy that is responsible for the divergence! It just speeds up the process of disconnecting, often simplifying it, and, at best, making sure that two people diverge in good, realizing it's the best solution for both. I can, however, give hope. Roughly estimated, about three-quarters of couple therapies lead to a positive and stimulating relationship. Only about a quarter of clients end up with a breakup.

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