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The end of a relationship Problem: separation

Staying stuck or moving forward | Dr. Lani Nelson Zlupko | TEDxWilmington (April 2019).


If something bothers us too much, we should draw a line. But that is not easy. Why it is so hard for us to let go - and how it still succeeds

It happened quite suddenly. On a Saturday in June five years ago, Eva realized: this is the beginning of the end. The woman from Munich was seven months pregnant with her second child, and because she had to look after herself, she had left the household and lay down on the upper floor of her house. All at once Eva heard from below the voices of her husband and his mother. He scolded about the dirty dishes, the bathroom not cleaned and the dust on the floor: "Eva is only pregnant, not ill!"
Eva stood up, tormented herself down the stairs, and confronted her husband, who was so bad-tempered. Both began arguing, angry words hissing through the living room, when Eva's husband suddenly raised his voice - and his right hand. Silence. He did not hit her. But still, says Eva today, this Saturday "something has broken inside me".
She felt that the crack was not too kitten, and yet she did not part, but stayed with her husband. Not for long, but still a whole year. "And that, even though I knew: Actually it will never be what it used to be."
Ending something is one of the hardest things in life. Even if things hit the soul like a too tight shoe on a toe - we do not like it. Like Eve, we remain in relationships in which we no longer love each other but only come to terms with each other. We hold on to friendships in which we have not had anything to say for a long time. We sit at desks where there is work that has become uncomfortable for us. 20 percent of German employees have internally terminated, a survey by the market research institute Gallup revealed. Why do not they do it externally? Why do not we say in situations that are no longer good for us: "It's enough!"? What keeps us from drawing a line?
"Nothing is as auspicious as a new beginning - but nothing scares us so much, " says pedagogue Barbara Berckhan. She has dealt extensively with the topic of change and accompanies people as a communication trainer in difficult decision-making.

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